15 April 2015

Repost: Disclipline and Being a Nagging Mom

Throughout our childhood, Papa was very strict with us. Having had training in the military, he made sure his 4 children grew up disciplined and well-mannered. We were raised to always do what we were told, never complain, carry out our errands, respect our elders, and never, ever disobey them. If any of us displeased Mama and/or him, you can be sure there would be shouting and tears at home. 

My siblings and I all had our fair share with Papa’s belt on our butts. None of us were exempted. However, before I was born (or maybe when I was still a baby), he also punished my older brothers and sister by making them kneel on monggo beans, squatting for a long time, and hanging one of them in a sack until that person fell from struggling.

Too much, huh? If he did that in a Western country in this modern day and age, Social Services would probably take him away.

But…look how we all ended up:
Okay, I know this was taken way back in 2008 but that's the only latest complete picture I have of the four of us right now =)
We’re fine, we’re sane. Well, we're crazy, but in the normal, harmless way =) None of us have any issues that need psychiatric help. We don’t blame our parents for what we’ve become. In fact, if it weren’t for the standards Papa set for us, we probably wouldn’t be where we are now. We were pushed to do our best, especially in school. We weren’t pressured to achieve high honours or become Class President, but of course we knew that we weren’t supposed to slack off either.

When we were studying, the rules at home were always to do our homework and errands first before we could play or watch television or go out. And that’s a rule I have been implementing trying to implement for Caila. “Trying to” because Caila somehow finds ways to play first before doing her homework, or excuses not to do them because she can’t understand and wants to wait for Hubby and me to arrive home to help her.

Like what happened yesterday. She waited until we arrived. Hubby helped her with her assignments. Then we had dinner. After that, I started to get ready because we had a household/service team meeting to go to. I was already ready when I realized that Caila had a couple of tests on Thursday. And since we were going to arrive home late the next day (today) because of an assembly, the only chance to help her review was last night. I knew immediately I had to stay at home.

Now the thing with me and Caila is I really push her to do well (which is probably due to my upbringing). Several instances, there have been shouts (from me) and tears (from her) because she doesn’t want to listen or try to answer. It’s very frustrating, especially when you know she knows how to do it but just doesn’t want to and stares blankly at the paper. Augh!

I don’t hit her when I’m fed up, but I do force her to stand outside the balcony for a few minutes while she cries and begs for us to open the door. When I’ve cooled down and she realizes that she won’t achieve anything if she doesn’t listen, I let her in, we sit down, I explain everything again, and she eventually understands what she’s supposed to learn…even laughing at herself as to why she found it difficult in the first place.

Why am I babbling on and on about this? Because I want to justify my being a pushy, nagging, disciplinarian mother. I’m not a Tiger Mom. We have sweet and happy moments together too.  I just want my children to know what they are capable of, and the standards I have set for them are for their own good.

Don’t think I’ve never questioned my ways of parenting and disciplining. I have. Countless times. When we’re in bed and Caila falls asleep while embracing me after I scolded her earlier, I wonder if what I’m doing is right. Maybe I was too hard on her…after all, she’s just a kid. Books, articles, and what-have-yous have been published showing the negative effects of strict parenting. And I worry about the women my daughters may become because of me.

But then I came across this article today by Kristen Lauletti…and breathed a sigh of relief.

Girls With Nagging Moms Grow Up to Be More Successful 
Harassing your daughter about finishing up her homework may not thrill her at the time, but she'll thank you later in life. According to a study conducted by the University of Essex in England, she will probably be more successful than the kids of less pushy moms. 

From 2004 to 2010, researchers followed the lives of 15,500 girls between the ages 13 and 14, and they found that the girls with moms who set high standards for them growing up were more likely to go on to college and earn higher wages. 

Another bonus of being a Tiger mom: These same girls were also less likely to become pregnant as teens, too. So maybe a little nagging isn't so bad after all? At least, that's what you can tell your daughter when she doesn't want to do her homework.


  1. I hear you. My grade two's like that too. I've even asked her if she's actually the one doing the classwork as why she can't do her homework on her own. Like, you got stars but now you say you don't know how? Argh, after plenty of nagging, and shouting, especially when I can see that she deliberately messes up her homework, and even pretend she doesn't know, and that she will do with Dad when he comes (that one I dash her hopes of Papa doing it for her by telling her he's coming very late tonight), she will then do her assignments neatly in a very short time. Tsss! Sometimes she gets the ruler, or denied of her fave things. Later afterwards though, she says sorry and won't do it again.

    1. Hi! It's frustrating, isn't it? Especially when it seems they're intentionally doing these things just to annoy us. But we really need to stick our ground and teach them they can't have their way all the time. Parenthood is really tough. But it has to be...we have to be...so that they turn out alright later.


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