He had been in and out of hospitals for several months, he had a heart operation, he had had diabetes since he was young and had to inject himself regularly with insulin, he had to go through dialysis every week and limit the amount of water he could drink, and of course there were so many medications he had to take...until finally his body couldn’t take it anymore.
That was one of the most difficult times in my life, especially since I had been “Papa’s Girl” for as long as I knew. And even though I had prayed for God to take away his pain and suffering, I didn’t mean or expect God to give him eternal rest.
More than a year after he had left and a few weeks before he would have celebrated his 65th birthday, I had typed the following note on my mobile phone which I have never deleted...a note that I hope he has read...somehow; or will read...someday.
Dear Papa,
A few minutes ago your face popped into my mind and the memories of your last months with us came flashing. Then I started crying...coz I miss you so much, Papa!
I’m sorry for the times I became impatient when you were sick. And I’m really sorry for not being there when you left. But why couldn’t you hold on, Papa? You know, my biggest regret is not being able to have been there by your side to say goodbye. I keep thinking that maybe you didn’t want me to see you suffer in the end, that you felt it was for the best...but Papa, I still wish I was there...to hold your hand, to say whatever I needed to say, to capture last moments together...
Anyway, no matter what I do or think, it still won’t be able to bring you or that day back, even if I want to so badly. There’s such a lot I wish I could tell you, but what I really want to say is I really miss you a lot, Papa. I love you so much! And I’m proud to have been a Papa’s Girl coz God gave me the best Papa in the whole world! I know you’re happy wherever you are...and I hope you’re happy with who I have become because of you. Thank you, Papa...for everything.
Love, Mel
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